As a Couples Psychotherapist, my experience shows me there are 3 significant signs to indicate a relationship is at high risk of infidelity.
Infidelity comes in many ways, it can be sexual/affairs, alcohol, gambling, drugs.
it is more often or not within the same patterns of behaviour, and is likely to be generational, it’s equally important to say that it doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone
1. You met when one or both of you were still in a relationship. If they do it with you, they will do it to you.
If we have little regard for someone we are in a relationship with, we disregard that relationship with a lack of compassion and respect this could be a character flaw that will indeed remain and resurrect when life gets difficult in the future.
2. One or both of you have had affairs in the past. A good indicator of someone's future behaviour is to explore their relevant past behaviour, it is extremely likely unless we know why we do the things we do that we will keep using the same behaviours.
3. If either of you has a family history of betrayal. Betrayal comes in many forms in an intimate relationship, affairs, gambling, and alcohol or drug abuse to name a few, all these behaviours are behaviours that take us away from the relationship, they create secrets and lies and mistrust, and in my experience, trust is the foundation of all our relationships.
Can we change any of the above? Yes, you can, it is my view and experience that people who have affairs have rarely taken this path because they have met the love of their life and had no choice, love wins all.
We are probably dealing with someone who has low confidence and low self-respect, they are likely to have a background, of family difficulties around honesty and betrayal, they may have secrets that become a part of their lives, they are adept at keeping secrets and lying.
They are likely to have learned to turn outside to other distractions if life becomes too difficult. So, they may have affairs, use drugs, gamble, food or have many sexual relationships.
It can feel as if they do not care and that they are dismissive of your emotions, however, it is likely, they would not have the maturity or ability to manage your emotional stuff, the more you need this, the less likely they are to respond to you.
We tend to get confused about the difference between the person and the behaviour, hence some people say “I still love him/her…. why?” because it’s the behaviour we do not like, it is not the person.
I would like to say that people who have affairs or commit any form of infidelity (betrayal) are fully responsible for their behaviour and the hurt they have caused, we need to understand that until they see why they do this and are receptive to working on this, they are likely to go on committing infidelity in one form or another.
If you find you are in these relationships and keep picking or meeting the same kind of person, it may be time you began to work on your past influences and family dynamics, to discover what you learned.
For you to change the course of your life, you need to explore the messages you received as a child, look at why you accept this for yourself and why you have little regard for yourselves, a lack of self-respect that we seem to accept for ourselves.