"Coming out of Lockdown, How are your Relationships being Tested? "

Updated: Jul 14

So we are slowly coming out of lockdown, we should all be happy, becoming more excited, the sun is shining, we can go for a cocktail with friends outdoors, consider booking long overdue summer holidays.

So why has my phone not stopped? Why are people desperate for therapy at this moment?

It seems it's because yet again we have to create another new normal, freedoms we had before Covid hit our shores are different freedoms now.

One couple I'm working with, her husband has been shielding for a year, he returned to work when they paused shielding.

They were nervous but excited. The first day he went to work his wife realised that she now was working from home alone having lost her business last year, there was no way of rebuilding what she had lost and so now she had to face working from home, alone, as her new normal.

So as her husband embraced going back out, socially distancing from his colleagues but at least he said I am seeing people again.

His wife became resentful and withdrew, she was lonely, they started to argue more than they had done when they were at home together for the year.

They started sleeping in separate rooms, their sex life was virtually non-existent.

They argued about everything, she was angry that he expected her to be home now, he was low because he didn’t know how it was all going wrong and so they called me.

After spending some time in therapy it was clear they were both not seeing how it is for the other person.

She expressed how lonely she felt now he was back to work, she had no one to talk to, she wasn’t used to working isolated, so when he came home all chatty and full of his day she felt jealous and resented him.

He told his wife how nervous he is daily going into different sites in case there are people around, by the time he is coming home he is excited to have got through the day.

Once they realised how each of them was affected by this they softened and could see they were both sad and missed what they had created during the lockdown.

This couple shows that what we believe we should be feeling, excitement and euphoria, we may not experience this we may be nervous, worried, pleased to be home safe at the end of the day.

So how can we create a safe, happy new way of being?

· Talk to your loved ones about how you are feeling

· If you struggle to express how your feeling, maybe start a journal, this helps enormously.

· Don’t put yourself under pressure to embrace other peoples presumed excitement.

· Take care of yourself, if you feel overwhelmed and worried call someone, there are all sorts of services you can call.

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